Welcome to My Imperfect Life

Suddenly............

Suddenly feel so lonely... Suddenly doubt my choice... Suddenly think i'm pathetically weak... Will i still live the same way i do if tomorrow never comes... Perhaps not... Perhaps i will choose to feel all the joys and sorrows rather than staying away... Perhaps i should change my dull and unforeseen plan... Will i regret the decision i make today 10 years from now...Will i hate myself in the near future for not taking chances... Suddenly the loneliness has gone... Suddenly i don't know how to continue this post anymore... Suddenly feel like shouting, or maybe crying, but yet feel so awkward to scare everyone else around if i shout and feel so stupid if i cry, and yet for no reason... Am i going insane... What's wrong with me... Perhaps it's normal to feel that way... Perhaps it's not.... Perhaps this is life all about... Perhaps this is why religious have so significant effect on humans in the history... Perhaps that's the easy way out... But i don't like that way... I want to know what i'm doing... I want to have a reason for everything i do... And yet i can't explain the way i behave most of the time... maybe the hardest person to understand is yourself... Or perhaps it's the easiest... Since normally people say they understand others but the truth is they just thought they do... Who knows for sure... How confident are you when you say that you understand a person... Are you sure he/she is the person you think she/he is... Cuz i don't even dare to ensure you i'm the person you think i am... Cuz i can't tell it myself... Even i don't have 100% confidence as to who i am... Then, how can a person understand another person... Since nobody really understand their own selves perfectly... Maybe this is why life's so interesting and confusing at the same time...

Quite a while

It's been quite a long while since my last post. Haha.... honestly i wrote all my previous post when i'm not happy or something special happen. But this time it's because i cannot study...... ARRrrgggggggghhhhhhh.............. Why it's so hard to start?? Damn, i'm getting too lazy this time around. Reborn!!! but like that need to die first. Cannot die in exam la....... it's too late...... Maybe long piak can help...... ok la. that's it. I need to try my new technique d. Haha...

Historical Moment - 4/5/2007 - 7.30p.m.

Historical Moment - 4/5/2007 - 7.30p.m.

This is the first time in my life i ever fainted. N this is not the "unintentional fell asleep" moment that i always talk about. I actually fainted. The whole world seem to turn n i can't keep my balance. To other it seem like i'm knocking my head onto the cushion so fast that i'm must be crazy. But actually i was trying to gain my balance.

Maybe this is the effect of taking what ever things i like without considering the consequences. Plus maybe i had not enough sleep lately. Haha.... i always make fun of the word 'faint' and this time it's different.

Lost a sister.......~.~...

Maybe my friends will ask..... U got sister? No i don't, like what i have told u all. This sister is not my biological sister. She's just a friend who is much younger than me and who I care(d) much for. So what happen to her? Well, she's healthy, happy perhaps, and still studying...... How to lost a person like that?...

The thing is I'm so disappointed with her that I might just cry, cuz my heart hurts. Maybe it is b'cuz I always so stupid to put my all heart into any friendship or relationship.

I know things isn't as simple as it may seem. N that y I always figure out as many different possibilities a thing can turn out to be. So I know she might has her own difficulties. At first I thought it's b'cuz she was naive n that y she made such a mistake. But now she still making the same mistake although she know what she's getting herself into. Y?!!

To my ex-sister(although i may not be a brother to u): I hope u r happy and please do take care. May God bless u. Good bye.

Dear friend....

Maybe my performance in exam created an virtual image of me and misguided you all about my personality. I am not a hard-working student, maybe sometime yes. But that depends on my mood. I'm seriuos only when I have a goal to achieve, as if during 'office hours'. I talk a lot of nonsense, play games, sleep a lot, even dreaming, loves going out, travelling, drinking, enjoying....... Just that I had some things to consider, so have limitation sometimes. It may seem to be a minor problem to other but I have my own restriction or difficulties.

Regarding the 'drift' post, I was using metaphor. Nothing serious about that. All that happen was just my tyre condition not good and i had a little slip, although 3 time unexpected and 1 time purposely. So don't so worry about me.... I'm not the kind of person who play around with life although I wish to try bungee jump.

But thank for the caring, i do appreciate it. Thank guys.

Drift....

Today helped out a friend. So was staying a bit longer in campus today. Had a badminton game at 4.00pm, thought it's a long time before it reaches four, so didn't bring sport attire.

But who know? 3.45pm rains heavily.... Haih. Have no choice but stay with my friends until the rain stop.... 4.15pm, rain began to lower a bit. So we decided to play the game.

So, I went home, change my clothes and went for the game. At 6.00pm, went back home again. Nothing special right? But on the way to and fro the game, I drifted 4 times..... some more on two wheels. It felt amazing although scary.

Think it's about time i change the bike's tyre. Btw, I think i cheered the crowd at mamak, and freak the car driver following behind me.... Another interesting day.....

Too bad I lost my blog "an interesting day"....Don't know what happen, the data isn't here... maybe it didn't uploaded sucessfully.

Time passes by

Suddenly feels like the world had went on without me. Suddenly found out a friend break up a relationship again, another friend grown up and have a serious relationship, someone i known opened his own shop and now is a 'tauke', a friend i used to know now is a stranger to me....... So many things unexpected came all the sudden.

Where did my time go? Why I didn't feel myself progressing? I'm tired... How come everyone move so fast? How am I going to catch up?

Time never stop. That's the problem. And time cannot be reversed... Sometime I wonder whether I should do the things I did. Will I regret it somehow in the future?

"The road not taken...". This poem always keep me wondering what if I went the other way, although I know I shouldn't think too much about that as what the narator thought too.

Maybe it's good to look back once in a while, just for the sake of self-concious, and to make ourselves clearer of what we really want. Enough time wasted here... I should get some rest...

WORDS

Smile, an every lasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me. Don't ever let me find you wrong, cuz that would bring a tear to me. This world has lost its glory, let start a brand new story now, my love. You think that I don't even mean a single word i said. It's only words, and words are all I had to take your heart away.

Talk in every lasting words and dedicate them all to me. And I will give you all my life.  I'm here if you should call to me. You think that i don't even mean a single word i said. It's only words, and words are all I had to take your heart away~~~~~~~~

.........but I fail. Good Bye.

Crazy

Things just went crazy today and I was not myself. Spend so, so many hours on nonsense and useless things. Perhaps I am fed up with myself.... Looks like it's time for a change. I am not going to let myself touch those nonsense again. I should made up my mind right after this CNY.... to be or not to be, that's the toughest question...again.

Same old fool

Today, the two hour break during lecture didn't feel like break at all. First, I organise my things and went to see the lecturer. The lecturer was really helpful and even photostated the section I needed using the office photostating machine. Then, with an hour remaining, I rush to buy my lunch and later went to see a "sad" friend. I even bought something to cheer the friend up. But later when I reached there, I found out the friend was sleeping and I had to have my lunch alone . What for? Why do I did that? After gone through so many times of such experience why I still behave like that? Well, because I still the same old fool.........